f r e d r i k

more later,

gabriel

Glass to the Face

Have you ever broken some one's nose? Have you ever drunkenly started talking shit, been provoked by a cold beverage poured on the lap, staggered to your feet and then hurled a glass-chunk at your assailant?

What a privilege I've had to take part in such an affair. However, it has hardly been a privilege.

Because the dynamic of this study abroad program is one where the students are in daily contact with the same people, an incident like this can prove to take one back to the cliché halls of high school. The halls where an outcast can't bear to walk to the next class, instead taking refuge in the bathroom, evading the stares and whispers that follow him/her around every corner.

I think the worst part about this is that I probably won't confront the person I attacked. Sure, I will continue to be in the same building as him and I'll occasionally walk past him or see him walking up the stairs like this morning. Yet, because of the person I am, in this unique situation, I will continue to run away. Run away from the awkwardness, from the embarrassment, from the crude realization that I did something wrong.

Run.

Away.

This is not how I see myself leading my life. Running away? If anything, I did the exact opposite that Sunday morning. I'm trying to pinpoint what exactly is bothering me about all of this; being alone with my thoughts I feel a bit directionless. A friend once shared with me how he felt that a lot of people apologize to have a certain weight lifted away more so than for actually feeling remorse. I have to agree I fall in this category for the time being. I want to walk up to him, apologize for being a impulsive fool, for causing him such a uncomfortable injury, and return to the mundane normalcy that existed between us before. However, I'm bothered by the fact that he could dismiss me and I could potentially make the situation worse.

I suppose other people find similar situations equally puzzling. It can be like the sin. What one chooses to do and chooses not to do.

I'll take the sin. It's the choice I made when I picked up that piece of glass, aimed, and threw. I also choose to leave the situation the way it is- to not do. There was a reason I engaged in that mindless, 2 minute brawl. And I suppose that reason is because deep within I choose not to run away. On the one hand, I'm not an aggressive blockhead that picks fights to mark his territory but in the other, I'm not an inferior insignificant that can't stand his ground.

Needless to say, this has been exhausting. I feel like making some fun of it, so I'll share the analogy I came up with today in school:

It's like that raw feeling you have after taking a shit. People know you just took a shit because of how long you were in the bathroom but they also acknowledge that everyone takes shits and that it's not that big of a deal. However, you still feel awkward when returning to the class and hope the feeling soon passes.

Not many people break noses but we all have our shit. I only hope the feeling doesn't last for much longer.

(but for the record, I would like to tell him I'm very sorry...)

more later,

g

Martin De Thurah

I like this.

more later,

g

Home Life

I have few words at the moment for which I'd like to express. Instead, I'll backtrack a little bit:



(because the video quality is so poor, below are all the words in their respective order that are not legible at the bottom of the video window)

•g. q. productions presents...
•Home LIFE
•I sometimes want to go far away to study life on Earth...
•However, today I realized that I don't really have to travel far...
•For beyond the walls of my own home
•There is life
•and it continues with or without me.
•From the ground
•to the sky
•things are born
•and some things die.
•there is so much to discover
•and behind most things
•there is beauty.
•can you see it?
________________________________
This was a video I made about two years ago, I believe; not quite sure. I remember renting a camera from the Tech Library and simply feeling the urge to run the camera. I usually have an idea in my mind of what I want to accomplish but of course there is always room for error yet more importantly, more imagination.

I like to think of this as a sample of what I would like to do in my life: Show a different perspectives of persons, places, and things.

I absolutely love matching music with video footage as I firmly believe that music makes all the difference in a film of any kind. I give my praises to Andrew Bird and his band for their wonderfully inspiring music.

more later,

gabe

Poem from NHH

Why the Turtle Walks Slow

Why does the turtle walk so slow?

Because he as a lot of time and nowhere to go.

Oh.

Why don’t we walk slow?

Because we’re on auto.

Oh.

Where are we to go?

…I don’t know

A little background info on this poem:

I tried to set up a scene where a older man and a boy (possibly grandfather and grandson) were talking (possibly during a visit to the zoo but I really don't like zoos). I battled over whether or not to use the correct form of the adverb 'slowly' rather than 'slow' because it bothers me that one might read this and think I don't know simple grammar but after about 5 minutes from posting this to the blog, I figured what the hell- authors don't have to explain why they've made any certain move in their work (even though I somewhat did). I suppose it helps to impart some juvenility in the questions.

If one wants to turn off the music I have set for my blog, simply scroll to the bottom to find the media player.

more later,

g

Dear Me,

I am okay....
Though I'm in one of the brightest points in my life, the cold air still blows right through me; I cower in the shade, rather than bathe in the sun.

Here's a poem, (written for a Natural Histories and Humanities course):

______________

Invierno

leap Frog, leap;

hide

winter is coming

Squirrels pack their nests-

a steady humming.

sleep Bear, sleep

Her heart

a soft drumming.

snow

through the wind

White Wolf is running

in the night

White Fox is cunning

the silence is stunning

awake Snowy Owl

___________

I've had two recent experiences with dying insects. The cold is growing too strong for them to survive, I suppose. This picture was taken in Venice. I found this grasshopper sitting next to a fountain where there were three turtles that (to me) should obviously not have been out in such cold weather and in such cold water. There were three- One was moving, one was barely moving with blacked skin, and one didn't seem to be moving at all at the bottom of the fountain. I suppose the people of the business who owned the fountain were simply indifferent or didn't know anything about cold-blooded animals. "How cruel", I thought. Anyway, I picked up the grasshopper and took it to a better spot for some shots. This was the best one. Here, it doesn't look like it's dying but I'm convinced otherwise. It was moving so slowly and could barely jump to get away from me. Then yesterday, I was walking down the street when I saw a praying mantis upside down on the sidewalk. I picked it up, one because I thought I had stepped on it, but after realizing it must have fallen from the overhanging plants on the balconies above, I tried to see if there was still life in it. It was an incredible creature. Even it it's slow movements, probably close to death, I was in awe of its existence. I held it tenderly as I walked, trying to find a tree to place it in. When I set it high above the ground on the bark of a tree, it seemed to perk up a bit. I wanted to wait there and simply watch it. But the embarrassment of being looked at awkwardly by passersby but more importantly, the image of it simply dying right there, persuaded me to walk on. The grasshopper, the praying mantis, and the turtles. Even in death, things can have the slightest hint of beauty.

more later,

gabriel

Fickle

If you, the reader, would like to listen to the new song, I think you have to scroll all the way to the bottom and press play. I don't know why mixpod isn't working like it usually does.

So, here starts the first post of the semester.

Upon arriving to Spain, naturally, many things were going to through my head. "How can I do this?", "Can I really do this for a year", "I'm on the plane....I'm going", "I'm here, I like it....now what?"

The night before I left for Houston, which is where I was going to take British Airlines out of the country and where I visited my brother and his family, I almost decided not to go. However, that's how things usually go. I get cold feet; I want to stay exactly where I am, in my nice little comfort zone. Thankfully, I took the plunge and walked out the door of my home in Lubbock and began the journey.

I'll skip all of my traveling stories, as most people have interesting ones, but this post is not about how things were. It's about how things are now.

I'm having a rough time right now. It's 10:05 PM on a Wednesday evening and I'm alone in the apartment waiting for my host mom and sister(s) to get home. I've been arriving late almost every day so I'm not discouraged by their absence. Also, I had a few things to eat so I'm not craving food and I'll be able to wait for dinner which will probably be in 45 minutes.

School is just shy of out of control, getting around the city is with a healing ankle (from being sprained) can sometimes be a drain, but most of all (the thing that is kind of bothering me the most) some of the students I'm here with I simply don't like.

I've listened, watched, observed, and interacted with almost everyone. It's only the 2nd week and I respect that in a lifetime, one can still not know anything about any one person, but I feel like I have a pretty good feel of how people are, at least on the surface. >If the surface of the water is covered with a layer of gunk, I'm disinterested from the get-go, no matter how cool and refreshing the water is below< What I mean by that is some people here act a certain way that discourages me from wanting to pursue their character any further.

Now comes the interesting part, at least to me.

I kind of isolate myself, not excessively, but to the extent where some think I am totally not who I am. They may think I'm rude, or a recluse. Whatever, I don't care. But I actually do, or I wouldn't be writing this.

Yes, I do think a lot of the students studying abroad here from Tech lack substance and are in serious denial of what can really be important right now in our youth.

So what if I don't go to the beach in Cádiz or Lagos? I have my own priorities, my own wishes, and because I say no, it doesn't mean I don't want to be with the group. It can mean that I'm going to be here a little longer than most and I don't feel obligated to do some things. "But Gabe, you can't go in the Spring, they don't offer..blah..blah.........." Instead, I'd enjoy walking around, taking photos, getting lost, and finding my way in the place I'm going to live for a little over 8 months.


I won't go on.
Key points are:
-I don't like some of the people here.
- I'm fine with not liking some people here and them not liking me.
- I really like being in Spain
- I love Spanish
- I'm tired of typing so I'm going to end this post and besides, mom and sis are home- more food, yess, but in moderation.

more later,

gabriel