Limbo

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Alabama Arkansas I do Love my Ma and Pa
But not as much as I do Love you
Holy Moly Me oh My your the apple of my eye
Girl aint never loved one like you
Man o Man your my best friend I scream it to the nothingness
that we got everything we need
Hot and Heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy Jesus Christ
Aint nothin please me more than you

(Chorus)
Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever I'm with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever I'm with you

Lalalala Take me Home
Mama I'm Coming Home

I follow you into the park, through the jungle through the dark
Girl aint never loved one like you
Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls
I been everywhere with you
Laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night
never could be sweeter than with you

like its only you and me jade/ebes your somethin to see

(Chorus)

Lalalala take me home
Mama Im Comin Home

Jade, you remember that night you fell outa my window?
ya you came jumpin out after me
well, you were bleedin all over the place and I covered your ass with your dress and we went off to the hospital, you remember that?
ya
well there's somethin I never told you bout that night
what didn't you tell me?
well, while you were sitting in the back seat smokin a cigarette you thought was gona be your last, I was fallin deep, deep in love with you, and I never told you till just now!

(Chorus)

Home, let me come home, home is wherever I'm with you
Home, yes I am Home home is whenever I'm with you!

Alabama Arkansas I do love my Ma and Pa
Yes Home, yes ward! home is whenever I'm with you!
Home is whenever I'm with you.

~Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros~

I'm feeling completely unstable right now, so this is it.

more later,

g

The Bluberries Are In the Fridge

I don't feel like going to bed right now. I'm sleepy, the screen is blurring, and it's becoming tiresome to blink but the late-night meal I had about 2o minutes ago is still settling in my stomach. I didn't overindulge but I could have eaten a bit lighter. My snacking on blueberries transitioned into three small bean tacos from Rosa's. I just like beans so much. Beans, beans, beans. Watching Weeds took some time off my hands and let the food settle some more.

I'll keep waiting, though.

Cydnee took me to the movies tonight. I physically drove us but she payed for the ticket- an outrageous nine dollars. However, I thought the film we saw was worth every cent.

Movie review: Inception

A terrific, mind blowing film of the infinite possibilities and wonders of the mind. Leonardo DiCaprio does it again- his performance is fantastic.

Cyd and I were talking last night about my upcoming year abroad. She said she would love to come see me and I would equally like her company for some time during the winter break. She mentioned something about being so excited but foreseeing that this adventure could probably not take place for a few reasons, money being a big one. However, I promised her I would help her. I have a shit-load of scholarships coming my way but I'm going to take out my first loan for this trip as the estimated cost is very high.

I will take out money from my loan to help Cyd come and visit me if she needs it. It's not that I'm scared I'll be alone this December or that I'm dying to have someone visit me. It's more the thought of having her, my good, good friend travel across an ocean and spend some time with me in another country. My loan will not be big at all and what is, at maximum, like five hundred dollars more? Pff, nothing. The exchange of work and time would be well worth the experience to me. Maybe I'm being irrational. Mom says I obsess. Cyd and I have discussed how it might be better not to obsess but to try and really work towards this. I know she has to do much more work than me, but still- she need only ask and boom, she'll get her tickets to and from Europe.

So....healthy thoughts. If it ends up that she can't come, so be it.

Thanks, Cyd.

I put the blueberries back in the fridge and now I'm ending this post.

more later,

gabriel

A List

° I like Yoga, even though I do it poorly.
° I like meditating, even if I've only done it once.
° I like change, even though change may not be liked.

I simply have nothing to say, yet I want to say so many things. To write down in words what I am thinking and feeling will never truly give these thoughts and convictions justice.

I'll just read from the Tao.

° I love being, in its entirety- there is so much to learn.

more later,

gabe

When A Storm Comes In the Night

We knew it was going to rain. I mean, there was lightning and thunder and it began to sprinkle again. I'm not sure if it was the heavy food I ate or the curiosity of running beneath a storm, but I was convinced that I needed to run and I was going to take Sandy and Sophie, the two vanilla lab/chow mixed breeds, along with me. When I house and dog sit for Laura and Miriam, I take the dogs for a daily walk. We walk because it's usually hot and I have this idea that their thick coats are just shy of torturous under the West Texas sun.

This night, however, the air felt crisp and fresh, and the clouds were waiting to open. We were definitely going for a run. 'Course, it doesn't matter what time of day or what the dew point is because Sandy and Soph are ready to go as soon as they hear the soft chinks of their leash.

As soon as we left the backyard, more rain drops began to fall. The sky was full of noise and light. I was nervous that we'd find ourselves in a bad situation but the dogs kept on walking and wagging their tails, their snouts scouting for new scents. We crossed University St. and stepped onto the Texas Tech campus. Avoiding the puddles for the moment, we walked briskly and with purpose- out of the three of us, Sandy and I are the most out-of-shape.

The sky kept breaking and we kept walking.

Warm-up ended, and we began to run. Then, the expected happened. Curtains of rain began to fall on us as we turned right on Flint Ave. and headed north. At first, the rain surprised the dogs and caused a few missteps but they quickly resumed pace in front of me. I was soaked in less than a minute; they were soaked in about two.

I think it was when we reached the Mass Communications building that I realized how rejuvenating this run had become. My clothes were sticking to me, almost as if they weren't there at all, and I was running nude. It felt weird, but I began to focus on how cleansing the moment felt. The dogs were panting. Still, they kept at my side- I'm certain the rain helped hydrate them to some extent.

The puddles of the evening became small ponds of the night. My lips tasted salty from my sweat and my nose was filled with the smell of wet dog. Yet the rain constantly washed and rewashed away any sourness I could experience.

I thought about how in literature, rain can symbolize rebirth. For those forty five minutes or so under the storm, I let the rain wash away any tensions I had. They fell to the ground with each step like the water on my body, collected in pools, and I forgot them.

With fresh rain bathing my face and in rhythm with the run, I only focused on being.

more later,

Gabe

the Lights are on; the Drapes are open

This summer has proven to be exceptionally trialing. Living with mom and dad again brings back the troubling past. Arguments, shouts, tears, minds in confusion, and words spoken too soon. We are not in the past, though. We are in the present.

[I am a significant part of the problem.]

I named this post, "the Lights are On; the Drapes are open".
One of my book shelves is in front of the window in my room. When I first moved back to the house, I would close the curtains each night and reopen them again in the morning but that became monotonous and I tired of caring. I used to be very concerned with potential eyes spying from a distance but I've since stopped caring too. I mean, the window doesn't face the street, but still, at one point that would unsettle me greatly. I also have the fan light on which is exceptionally brighter than my lamps. The naked window combined with the bright light make for a very vulnerable environment. However, I am vulnerable. I am strong, yes, but sometimes, especially these past weeks, I've been tested constantly and my flaws have shone brighter that normal. Mom and Dad see them. Dark colors are revealed to the ones I love most- the ones I feel most comfortable around.

I'm strong in that I accept my vulnerability and exist. I can simply be. I can also work on being more productive around the house to help out my parents, who give me everything.

more later,

gabriel

The Smell of Eggs

I don't give advice very often. Listening to people, to my friends and family, associates and 'enemies', I'm constantly observing. How does he/she lead her life? Do they know truth? Do they know love? With some people, I'm relaxed and I feel completely comfortable. My comfort may come from many things, but I what I tap into the most is some one's presence. Let's say I'm with a friend and we are talking with one another but he or she is constantly getting texts, responding to these messages, or looking over my head to others around. Or, let's say I'm with a friend who's constantly expressing ideas with little substance, e.g. "This should be like this", "Why is this the way it is?", or "That's life". Maybe I'm losing you. The point I'm trying to make is that I can tell when someone is consumed by things that are probably not in his or her best interest; that they are not acting, living, and thinking in the present. I can feel their insecurities, their worry- their glass is half empty. However, I rarely try to change the thought process. Yes, I'm their friend and I care about them. Yes, I have strong convictions that if he or she did this or that, then things might be 'better'. In the end, though, it's only better in my eyes. What is good for me is most likely not good for another. I could talk to my friend for a long time and still have said nothing. I mean, I can be saying nothing right now. If they ask for help, I will give it. Always. I will choose my words with caution.

No one gave me advice. (Of course my mom and dad lead by example, but their worth is beyond words.) In the end, in my deepest shit, it was I who persevered. Not any other soul ran my race. Just me. Heck, I'm still running.

More later,

gabe